


Breathe

by NightFall68



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Bonding, F/M, Human Bella, Slow Build, Soul Bond, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7342771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightFall68/pseuds/NightFall68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The protection from vampires and the opportunity for Bella to experience a happy, healtlhy human life backfire spectacularly on the Cullens. While cleaning up the mess Edward made with his abrupt departure, Bella now has to deal with Victoria’s devastating actions by herself. On the verge of living an unhealthy life, Bella is surprise to see a certain doctor on her doorstep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surviving

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So I never thought the day would come when I wrote a Bella/Carlisle story. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the paring, I just have been working on this story for so long that I didn't think I would ever be ready to post it, or brave enough. And while I know there are a lot of wonderful Bellisle stories on the site, most of them forces the main characters to go at a fast pace or they place several cusswords in each paragraph. So I thought I would write my own version of the couple.
> 
> I should warned you, however, that the story will be going at a slow pace. Probably not as slow as a snail but not any higher than that. I will try to keep the story moving along, but I won't have Bella and Carlisle suddenly get into a romantic relationship together and then fall into bed with each other either. Also, I promise to keep Bella from sounding whining and annoying like she was in the books, especially when she wanted to make love to Edward all the time. Trust me, that won't be happening in my story. Finally, the first two chapters are like a prologue. We won't be getting into the story until the third chapter.
> 
> Warning: This story is rated M for a reason. Most M-related topics will be mention further in the story, however, there are mention of cutting in this chapter. Don't read if this somehow trigger you. Furthermore, I don't intend to go graphic on the cutting scenes, but I will be mentioning them quite a bit in the story. I'm saying this now, so there won't be any surprises later on. Also, there will be cusswords, but again, I won't put as many in the chapter. And I will refrained from saying the ones with the Lord's name and the F-word as well. I believe those two words take away from the quality of the story and I won't have that here.
> 
> Note: The timeline in the story is different from the one that Stephenie Meyer uses in the series. I will post the timeline I'm using in the bottom author's note. This chapter had been edited and seen by my beta, Goldielover. However, I would like to thank Kathy for pre-reading the chapter and encouraging me to published the story.
> 
> Story title is from Taylor Swift's "Breathe."
> 
> I don't own the Twilight series or the characters in it. Stephenie Myers will only allow me to play with them, unfortunately.

**Chapter One**

**Surviving**

**(Bella’s Point of View)**

**Friday, September 2, 2005**

For the millionth time in the past twelve hours, I stared at the white cordless phone which rested upright on one of the oak nightstands. As I lay frozen on my side on top of the bed, I squeezed my eyes shut tight and prayed fervently that I could make it all disappear. I knew it was childish and stupid, but I thought maybe if I closed my eyes and made my wish, everything would be back to normal again and I wouldn’t be in such emotional pain right now. I wanted things to be normal again but when I opened my eyes, they weren’t. They never would be.

 ** _I still can’t believe he’s gone,_** I thought absentmindedly, my heart aching with sadness while my eyes burned from all the past tears I had shed. Suddenly, my chest tightened up in agony at the thought, making it difficult for me to breathe for a few seconds.

Yesterday evening my life turned upside down when I received a phone call from the Forks Police Station. Deputy Mark Summers had some news to relay to me, bad news that would change my life permanently. And even though I wished to forget it entirely, I remember exactly how the conversation went down.

* * *

  **Flashback**

_“Hello,” I greeted breathlessly as I answered the phone in the kitchen, almost missing the call since I was in my bedroom. I didn’t have a cellphone yet, but I was planning on obtaining one very soon._

_“Hey, Bella,” a somber familiar voice answered from the other end of the line. “This is Deputy Mark Summers from Forks Police Station.” I already knew where the call was coming from because we had Caller ID. Plus, we only had one Mark living in Forks and he was a cop._

**_Was it my imagination or did he sound positively wretched?_ **

_Something wasn’t right here. After all, Forks Police doesn’t call the house when Dad is working if they needed to get in touch with him. And they especially don’t call you at night if it wasn’t of the utmost importance._

_“Deputy Mark, where’s my Dad? Is he alright?” I asked, as fear and panic began to creep up from every corner of my body._

_“Bella, you should sit down if you’re not already. I’m afraid I have some bad news for you, honey,” Mark announced gravely._

_I ignored his instructions. I knew it was a stupid thought, but I thought if I didn’t sit down like I was told, I would receive the information I wanted faster. “What happened?” I was getting a horrible feeling about this. Something terrible had happened to Charlie. I just knew it, because I wouldn’t be getting this particular phone call if it didn’t involve him._

_“I’m so sorry, Bella. Your father died while on patrol,” Mark’s composed voice cracked. I could tell he was crying from the soft sniffles coming through the phone._

_I pulled the white phone away from my ear, staring at it unblinkingly for a moment before pressing it back to its previous place. “I’m sorry,” I began slowly, positive I had heard him wrong. “But did I hear you right, Deputy Mark?”_ **Please, oh please tell me you were wrong,** I pleaded desperately. **That I misheard you somehow. That Charlie is simply hurt but will walk away from his injuries that he might have sustained from being on patrol.**

_There was a moment of silence between us before I heard breathing from his side of the line. Then, “Yes, you did. I’m sorry,” he spoke softly and gently, like I was a hurt wild animal and was about to experience more pain before I could fully recover from my injuries. I didn’t know the reasons behind his tone other than the sorrow, but maybe he thought using a soft and gentle voice with me would prevent or even ease the emotional pain I would inevitably feel once I allowed the information to process in my brain. Unfortunately, it didn’t._

_The gate that was holding off the numbness and shock, until I confirmed what I heard was correct, finally snapped open. And only moments after they were released, the effects quickly swept through me. The realization that I lost my father tonight, possibly only minutes or an hour ago, slammed into me hard like a wrecking ball would to a dilapidated building._

_Then the floodgates opened and I found myself drowning in my own intense emotions. I felt the pressure forming behind my eyes, and I knew that tears were only moments away from falling. A lump rapidly formed in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow as hot, salty tears silently flowed down my pale face. The news about my father’s death rendered me speechless for several long minutes and the only sounds Mark was able to hear on the phone were the loud sobs that were escaping past my numb lips._

_“How?” I croaked out, only able to say that one word as my hands shook violently. Swaying unsteadily, I slowly lowered myself with the help of the kitchen counter onto the white tile floor; my legs feeling like Jell-O all of a sudden._

_I heard Mark’s quick breathing on the line as he tried to calm himself again. “He was brutally murdered, I’m afraid,” he declared seriously._

_I_ _vehemently shook my head swiftly from side to side a few times before I remembered Mark couldn’t see me. “No! No! No!” I screamed deliriously into the phone. It wasn’t true! It couldn’t be!_

_“Bella, I’m truly sorry, but it’s true, sweetheart. I would never joke about something as grim as this,” he spoke soothingly, obviously trying to settle me down. “You know that.” I did know that, but I still wasn’t ready to fully accept the news that my father was dead. A part inside of me was still wishing to deny the fact that I would never see my Daddy again._

_His response brought a strangled cry from my mouth as more tears fell down my cheeks. In all of my short seventeen years of life, I never knew I could produce such a heart-wrenching sound as I did then. To my ears it sounded like a wounded animal begging for the agony to stop, to be put out of his or her misery. I felt the same way._

_“No! It isn’t true! It isn’t true! You’re lying!” I shrieked, still denying the fact. That was it! Deputy Mark was lying to me, probably hoping to scare me or something. It wasn’t funny and I planned on telling him so. It just couldn’t be true! My father_ was not _dead!_

_“I truly wish I was, sweetheart. More than anything, I do,” Mark whispered, his voice laced heavily with melancholy._

_I pulled my jeans clad legs to my chest, wrapping one red sleeve covered arm around them tightly while the other still held the phone, pressing it hard against my ear as I rested my forehead heavily against my knees. **Oh God, I think I’m going to be sick!**_

_My emotions were swinging from one extreme to another. I’m sure if Jasper were here right now, he would be suffering from a severe migraine from the emotional roller-coaster I was on. First I went from panic and fear, to sadness, acceptance to pain, denial, then full acceptance and pain once again. Now, I was angry. Beyond angry, in fact. I wanted whoever had chosen to take my father’s life tonight to suffer like I was, to feel the excruciating pain I was going through at that moment._

_“Who? Do you know who did this? Do you know who killed my father!?” The first two questions were stated quietly but the volume of my voice increased tremulously when I reached the final words, so much so that I found myself freely screeching into the phone._

_“Please calm down, Bella,” he instructed me gently. “I won’t tell you when you’re this worked up. It isn’t healthy for you.” I quieted down and took a few deep breaths, a few hiccups escaping as I did so, while the tears continued to race down from my eyes. I didn’t even bother wiping them away, more would just appear soon after._

_I felt another wave of sorrow pressing down hard upon my shoulders, trying to squish me like a bug on the floor beneath me. My chest continued to ache as I tried to fight the painful convulsions that were begging to be released once again. My breathing became labored as I tried to calm myself, both my anger and my tears, when all I really wanted to do was scream, and cry, and curse whoever took my father away from me until my throat was raw and I had no voice left. I wanted to punch something and break things so that the pain would become bearable for me, so I didn’t feel like I was being swept away in a raging river. Most of all, I wanted my Daddy back. I would give anything to have my Daddy back, alive and healthy._

_After inhaling and exhaling raggedly, I pronounced softly, “Okay, I’m better. Can you please tell me who did this? Who murdered my father?”_

_Static and Deputy Mark’s breathing could be heard on the line. “We don’t have a name at the moment. And we have never seen this person in Forks before. We have a description of the person, though, but it isn’t much to go on. We had several hikers calling in because they saw something suspicious going on in the woods and they didn’t believe it was animals involved. The men and I went in to investigate. Just as we all arrived at the scene of the crime, the woman disappeared, leaving the body behind. We have been looking for her ever since.”_

_“Woman?” I inquired, dread starting to emerge again. There was no woman in this world that could overpower my father without him putting up a fierce fight. Unless, of course, it was a...v…vampire!_

_“Yeah,” he agreed unhappily before describing the person. “Bright red hair, almost an orange color. The color looks like there’s fire on her head. Really white, pale skin - like the Cullen family had, extremely beautiful, and around the height of 5 feet 7 – 5 feet 8. That’s all we've got now. I’m truly sorry, Bella.”_

_I sucked in a lungful of air when I realized I had been holding my breath before uttering the words I didn’t feel. “It’s fine. I understand completely.” That was a lie. I wasn’t fine, this whole situation wasn’t fine. I recognized the description of the person instantly, but I didn’t understand why Victoria was back in town and her reasons for killing my father._

_After speaking with Mark for a few more minutes, not really paying much attention to the conversation, only hearing the words, “the guys here at the station will handle the funeral details,” did we say our goodbyes and end the call._

_My grip on the phone loosened and the phone dropped loudly to the floor, the back cover popping off and the batteries jolted out from the hard impact, rolling around on the ground. I lifted my head from its resting position and gazed off into space, unconsciously repeating the thought: my Dad is dead! My Dad is dead and I’m totally alone now. That's when the dam of tears burst open and I broke down once again. I rolled onto my side in a fetal position and cried and screamed my heart out for hours._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

I felt like I died that night and well, in a sense I did too. I didn’t even tell him that I loved him. I didn’t tell him to be careful as he strapped on his gun belt around his waist, preparing for his shift. I didn’t even say goodbye as he headed out the door. I never thought that it was the last time I’d ever see my Daddy again.

I remember how after I hung up and had my emotional breakdown, I somehow found my way to the living room and crawled up into a ball in his favorite recliner and cried. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure when or even how I managed to get to my bed. I must have been pretty out of it to not remember.

News about Charlie’s death spread like wildfire around Forks, which shouldn’t be surprising. The town is, after all, small. I knew this, because after I fixed the phone, it had been ringing off the hook every hour or so. Folks around town were questioning if I was doing okay and if I needed any help with anything, giving me their love and support freely. Despite the pain I was going through, it made me feel proud of how concerned the whole town was regarding me and my loss. After assuring all of them I was handling the news alright and if I needed any help that I would call them, I hung up the cordless phone and went back to my mourning.

All I wanted to do right now was sleep and pretend that none of this had happened, like it was a nightmare or something. Go back in time and erase this whole event so when I _do_ wake up, Charlie would be alive. However, the fates were being especially cruel to me at the moment because I couldn’t even pretend with every citizen of Forks calling me every freaking half-an-hour! Once I ended each call, I would place the phone back down on the nightstand in my room and go back to lying on the bed, staring at the device, lost in my thoughts while I waited for the next expected call.

 ** _No, don’t break down, Bella,_** I told myself as I felt the tears prickle the back of my eyes while I recalled the horrible memory of last night. **_Don’t break down. Not now._**

Apparently, I wasn’t done with the crying, even though I didn’t know how. I didn’t think I had any more left to shed.

Shifting so I was lying on my back, I moved upwards as I pulled my weak, unhealthy body into a half-reclining, half-sitting position on the bed. When I was comfortable in my new position, my eyes swept leisurely around my bedroom, taking in every tiny detail. My room reminded me none-to-gently about other events that took place several months ago that had shattered my heart and altered my life entirely.

 ** _Dear God in Heaven, I don’t know how much more I can handle!_** I exclaimed mentally in pure agony.

The past four months have been an absolute hell for me. First, _he_ broke up with me after basically saying he was tired of playing with me and abandoned me in the woods like some unwanted trash. Then _he_ took _his_ beloved family with him, the family who added to my happiness along with _him_. I had to deal with not only the loss of my first love, my soul mate, but the only family where I felt I truly belonged. Unfortunately, I wasn’t handling the Cullens’ departure in a safe and healthy manner.

 ** _I may be responsible for putting the blade to my skin, but I’m placing all the blame on_** him **_for putting me in this situation and leaving me to clean up the mess_** he **_caused,_** I mused bitterly.

You heard me right; because of what _he_ did to me I’m self-harming in order to cope with the break-up and departure. I had picked up the nasty habit a few days after my heart was torn apart. I knew cutting wasn’t a great method for helping me cope with the situation. I know that now, thanks to my senses coming back and a very good friend of mine.

Besides, my excuses probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone who wasn’t in the same boat as me. Cutting yourself was a way to deal with the intense pain I was experiencing. It relieved the painful ache so all I felt was the wonderful feeling of numbness. When _he_ dumped me and took _his_ family away, I wasn’t in control of the situation. With cutting, I was in control. I was in control of how many cuts to make, how deep to make them, and where to put them.

 ** _I am damaged already,_** I had thought at the time when I first began cutting, recalling the awful words he’d spewed from _his_ mouth, which literally destroyed me. **_Might as well continue where_** he ** _left off. After all, who would want me now? I was used goods and broken into pieces._**

Just before I reached the point where I felt like I was in too deep, too far gone where no one could reach me, an Angel in the body of my best friend, Angela Weber, came to my rescue. She had somehow seen the extreme anguish I was dealing with inside. She had somehow realized that the rope which was keeping me sane, helping me to survive, was thinning to the point where I was only hanging on by a few threads. She had somehow sensed the desperate cry for help I was unconsciously sending out. She had noticed all of this when others around me couldn’t or wouldn’t see.

At first I denied anything was wrong when she asked me about my health. That was a lie and she knew it. Everyone close to me knows I’m a horrible liar. But as unconvinced as she was, she left me alone. Of course, that conversation took place in the early weeks of my new unhealthy habit.

The rope I found myself clinging to was thick and long in the beginning. As time passed and the rope decreased in size and length, Angela would choose those perfect moments of time to inquire about how I was doing without _him_. Again, I would flat out lie to her and she would retreat, giving me space, an expression of skepticism on her beautiful tanned face.

This same routine happened a few more times, but tiny changes slowly began to materialize each time we did it. These adjustments involved Angela frequently speaking with me on the subject of my recent failed relationship and the new family I had lost. She wouldn’t leave me alone now once I gave her an answer, usually a fib, but an answer nonetheless. Finally, as we began the routine we had been doing for the past several weeks for the last time, Angela confronted me at my house while Charlie was at work.

* * *

  **Flashback**

_“I know what you’re doing, Bella,” she pointed out without any preamble, with an oddly solemn and tranquil countenance as she announced this._

_“What am I doing, Angela?” I questioned her, trying my best to stall the inevitable conversation which I had a feeling was coming soon. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m doing nothing,” I said, denying whatever she thought she knew._

_But Angela wouldn’t back down. Instead she hit the nail right on the head with her next statement. “Bella, I know that you’re cutting, that you’re self-harming yourself to deal with the obvious pain of your boyfriend’s departure from town,” she declared firmly._

_There was a stunned silence surrounding us as I stood frozen in the middle of the living room, quickly taking in the fact that Angela was on to me, that she_ knew _what I was doing. She didn’t_ think _she knew. She_ knew _. She knew for a fact that I was indeed cutting and that no matter what I did or said to cover up my secret, it wouldn’t be enough. Not for her, anyway._

_“You have the right to grieve and find a way to cope with the loss, but not this way, not by harming yourself,” she had stated as we sat facing each other on the couch, her slightly darker skin-toned hands holding mine securely in hers._

_“N-n-no, Angela,” I stammered, trying to once again to deny the fact I was cutting. “Y-you have it a-all wr-wrong. I’m not c-cutting myself. I wouldn’t do that.”_

_However, my protestations attempting to contradict what she knew were fruitless and feeble. All it took was Angela saying, “Bella,” in a warning tone before I broke down completely and finally admitted the truth._

_Instead of congratulating herself on having me confess willingly, Angela comforted me and stayed by my side till I had finally settled down. “Better?” she asked me as I pulled back from her warm and welcoming embrace._

_“Much,” I replied, wiping the wetness from my face as I leaned back against the couch._

_There was silence between us once again as we each contemplated what had just happened. I pondered on the fact that Angela know about my terrible habit with the knife, while she was probably thinking about how best to approach the next subject with me now that I had come clean._

_A soft sigh from her broke the silence that had surrounded us for the past five minutes, and when I looked up I noticed that her gaze was on me. I blushed in discomfort at the attention I was receiving and glanced down, playing idly with my fingers on my lap._

_“Bella,” she slowly began, hesitation coloring her tone. I stopped playing with my fingers and focused my attention on her. “I’m no expert in this situation, but with the little knowledge I do have, I know you just made a breakthrough. The first step to getting better is to acknowledge that you have a problem and what the problem is, meaning the unhealthy way you’re dealing with the break-up and the absence of his family,” she told me._

_Feeling ashamed of myself, I lowered my eyes to my hands, which were still resting on my lap. I may have made a breakthrough, but it sure didn’t feel like one to me. Quite the opposite, in fact. I felt absolutely horrible at that moment. I always thought once I began dating that I could handle anything that life, or the guy I was dating, would throw at me. I always imagined I would handle any break-ups better than this, no matter how serious they might have been. Instead, I handled the aftermath with_ him _in a horrible and unhealthy way, putting my life at risk in the process. I never wanted to be this kind of girl. You know, the one who has to always have a man in her life to feel whole and secure. Who depends heavily on the guy to make her happy._

 _I had lived without a guy in my life for the last sixteen years of my life and hadn’t had a problem with it. I was a happy, strong, and independent girl who enjoyed reading in quiet corners probably a little too much to be healthy. But all it took was one guy, a supernatural being – might I add, to suck me in and make me forget all of my principles and how happy I was before_ he _came into my life._

 ** _I’m such a pathetic human,_** I mused, scolding myself. **_No wonder_ he _didn’t want me hanging around in his eternal life. He could see how pathetic I am just like I can now._**

_“I want you to know, Bella, that I will always be here for you. If you ever need to talk or feel like cutting again, I don’t want you to hesitate about calling me, whether it’s day or night. It doesn’t matter,” she informed me, gently picking up one of my hands from my lap and giving it a little squeeze in comfort and reassurance. My chocolate eyes locked with her coffee ones and all I could see in them was sincerity and love for a friend._

_When I had managed to get enough confidence to speak, I inquired, “How?”_

_Angela’s eyebrow rose in question. “You mean, how did I know you’re cutting?” When I nodded my head, she explained. “I noticed blood stains on the sleeves of your shirts and saw a few scars on your wrist at school once when the material slid down slightly.”_

_I must have had an alarmed look on my face because her next words were reassuring to me. “Don’t worry, Bella. I'm the only one who knows about your problem, no one else has put the pieces together yet like I did. And the only reason why I did is because I have been observing you pretty closely once you came back to school after the break-up.”_

**End of Flashback**

* * *

Unfortunately, she gave me the bad news. I would have to get some professional help. Reaching the root of the problem (the reasons that started the cutting) by talking to a person who was an expert in this matter was the only way to help me get better. Well, maybe not the only solution. I would have to decrease and stop cutting, speak with someone when I felt the urge to cut, and basically baby proof my house so when I did stop the cutting, I wouldn’t be tempted by sharp objects.

At first, I protested the need for professional help, but I soon halted my denial when I perceived the determination and worry in her light, brown eyes. I caved and a week later, I began my thrice a week sessions with Dr. Rachel Palmer in Seattle. Angela came along as she promised that day in my living room and continued to come with no questions asked. Like earlier when I was almost out of everyone’s reach of help, she had somehow sensed I needed her by my side along with all the support and comfort a best friend like her could give me. I’m truly grateful for having a best friend like Angela in my life.

Angela and I didn’t tell Charlie about the sessions in Seattle or the reason for needing them. I know I should have talked to him at the beginning when I first started to cut. He probably could have prevented me from going down that dark painful road before I was at the point of no return. Like I almost was.

To be honest, I felt ashamed. I didn’t want Charlie to know how badly the break up, _his_ words, and _his_ departure affected me. Sure, my Dad could somewhat relate to what I was experiencing. After all, my mother left my father because she felt like she was trapped with the restricting responsibilities of an adult. And the normally gloomy weather of Forks wasn’t helping the matter either. My situation and pain was different than his, though. My father didn’t fall in love with a vampire and had said vampire’s family take care of you like I did.

So I kept silent and so did Angela, even though she had tried to persuade me about telling Charlie, thinking he could help me somehow, even if it was simply supporting me at a distance. I refused, of course, every time she brought up the subject.

Surprisingly, Charlie believed my lies and excuses when he asked about various items that I’d taken away or replaced after I baby proofed the house. When he questioned me on what happened to the knives in the kitchen drawer, I calmly told him that since I was so clumsy and accident-prone, I thought it would be better to take them way. As for my razor, well, I have the plastic kind now. The blade can only cut hair; it’s not sharp enough to break any skin.

Of course, there were a couple of conditions in exchange for keeping Charlie out of the loop. The conditions were short and extremely important. 1) I would call Angela if I even had the _slightest_ desire to cut. And 2) attend my therapy sessions and do everything the doctor told me to do. Usually, that would include advice or homework she would give me.

As much as I didn’t want to go to the sessions since I knew no one would be able to fix me, I was _too_ broken to be whole again, I reluctantly admitted that the sessions were helping me somewhat. I wasn’t better. No, I had a long way to go before I could describe myself as such. But the sessions were assisting me in finding safe coping methods while reducing my urge to cut. I still cut, though, just a lot less than I normally did. And there were plenty of slip ups. When those happened, I felt like I understood what Jasper was going through whenever he slipped up on his diet.

Furthermore, the sessions brought to light a few more problems that had been hiding under the surface, waiting to show when it was time. I can still remember the conversation I had with Dr. Palmer when I found out about one of them.

* * *

**Flashback**

_During one of my hourly sessions with Dr. Palmer in mid-July, I suddenly realized after talking once again about my romantic relationship I had with_ him, _how controlling and manipulative_ he _was when I was with him. “Bella, how did you feel when you were around him?” Dr. Palmer inquired, her black pen hovering patiently over the white pages in her notebook as she waited for my response. I had to step back from the present and take a few minutes to ponder her question, having no idea how to answer right away._

 _“Other than love, adoration, and admiration,” I confessed to Dr. Palmer slowly, carefully,_ _“I felt like I was unworthy of being in_ his _presence, undeserving of his love and attention._ _I felt like a burden to him and_ his _family whenever my clumsy side appeared and I needed medical assistance._ _And when I wanted to be closer to_ him _, to do things and experience things other couples do together,_ he _would reject me, not even giving me any explanation as to why he did so._ _I felt unwanted and self-conscious every time_ he denied me _._ _To be honest, before I came to Forks to live with my father, I already had self-esteem issues thanks to some of my former classmates in Phoenix, but while I was with_ him _, that self-esteem would steadily go down instead of up._ _I didn’t know this until now, but I can see he was slowly destroying any and everything that showed I was a strong and independent person.”_

 _“I see,” she had murmured as she wrote something in her notebook, probably taking notes on what I had just spoken. When she was finished, she looked up at me and asked, “Why do you think you didn’t see this new side to_ him _?”_

 _Dr. Palmer, while she didn’t live in Forks, probably heard the gossip about Dr. Cullen and his family, and I didn’t want to bring up the fact that I knew them, whether she met them or not. It still hurts to say_ his _name so I never revealed the name of the person who caused all of this damage. So when speaking about my ex-boyfriend, we always referred to said ex as_ ‘him.’

 _Considering my words carefully for a minute, I began slowly, “Well, first I would say because he was a good actor. He could lie very well, so well that people often believed his lies. It’s only those who are very close to him that knew when he was telling the truth or not. But second, I guess you could say I was love-struck._ He _was my first love, and while he wasn’t the popular kid in school,_ he _was the most talked about_. He _always was a mystery to the whole school._ _Girls were rejected by_ him _when they would come up and offer to go out with_ him. _Guys wanted to be_ him, _and were jealous of the attention_ he _was receiving from all the girls in school._ _Like everyone else at school, I never expected_ him _to choose me._ _Out of all the other girls_ he _could have had,_ he _picked_ me! _I’m a plain Jane; nothing special. So while I couldn’t_ _understand why_ he _selected me, I was taken in by his good looks and personality.”_

_Pausing for a moment to get a drink of water from the oak coffee table in front of me, I took a deep breath and settled back in my seat on the comfortable sofa. My chocolate brown eyes finding her amber ones. She gave me a small smile and gestured for me to continue._

_“Like I stated before,_ he _was my first love and I will admit I was naïve at the time._ _I didn’t know what was normal in a relationship and what wasn’t nor did I know what was right or wrong._ _My parents split when I was young and I had few friends in Phoenix_. _The few friends I do have in Forks didn’t ask about my romantic relationship or what_ he _and I did during the weekends._ _Most of the girls are jealous of me and don’t want to hear about anything that involved us. So I never saw any red flags when he began to control my activities._ His _actions were so subtle that I never questioned them.”_   _Dr. Palmer hummed in acknowledgement at my words as her pen flew furiously across the notebook paper. Just then, a lock of ebony fell in her face and she stopped only long enough to push it away from her eyes before she was once again writing in a quick manner._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

In the beginning week of August at another session with Dr. Palmer, I found out I have _two_ phobias. Lately, almost everything has been linked to _him_ and _his_ family. So really, I shouldn’t be so surprised. Now I have _two_ phobias to deal with on top of the cutting. Lovely!

 ** _I really am messed up,_** I thought resentfully once I found out the news.

Two phobias. The two most _ridiculous_ phobias in the world and I had to get them. The first was Autophobia – the fear of being alone. The second was Nyctophobia – a severe fear of the dark. And both of them were directly related to _him_! When I learned about the phobias, I knew immediately how I had developed them. When _he_ broke me in the woods, I was abandoned. Of course, I couldn’t put _all_ the blame on _him_. As it turns out, _he_ wasn’t the only reason I’m afraid of being alone. Some of the blame was on my mother as well.

Renee was always the child instead of the adult. She was irresponsible and self-centered with her life and crazy hobbies. Because of that, she often left me alone at home at a young age for an hour or so, sometimes her absence would be a few hours but occasionally would be a whole night. I remember becoming frightened quite often. I was afraid Renee would never come back. I wasn’t terrified of someone breaking in and robbing the place, which I probably should have been at that age. No, I was more afraid of the fact of being abandoned by the only person who could protect me from anything. Well, anything that didn’t involve supernatural beings, that is.

As for Nyctophobia – the phobia of the dark– it took me a little longer to figure out how I had gotten the phobia. Then I remember what happened in the woods the night _he_ basically destroyed me.

I had been lost in the woods after I tried to follow _him_ while darkness approached the area fast. I understood now _he_ wasn’t directly responsible for this particular phobia. But indirectly he was. I mean, he could have just ended our relationship at my house or anywhere else. Why _he_ had to choose the forest was beyond me. _He_ should have known I would have run after him once it was time for him to leave.

Anyways, like others who are diagnosed with a phobia or mental illness, I wondered how I would survive in the world. Furthermore, I wondered if I would have to seek another professional for these new problems. I had been going to Seattle two to three days a week just to work on my problem with cutting. I could see Charlie was becoming quite suspicious with all the trips I had been making. If I increased my trips, Charlie would soon find out why I had been heading to Seattle so often or worse, confront me about it. Charlie learning the truth about how messed up my life was right now was the last thing I wanted him to know.

Luckily for me, I didn’t have to search for another professional. Dr. Palmer informed me when I confessed my worries to her that I could resume my sessions with her since she had a degree in that area as well. The only adjustment to the sessions would be the extra hour added on so she could work with me on the phobias along with the cutting.

As for Angela, she was supportive and constantly there for me for the duration of this whole mess, even more so after I revealed to her my latest news (she missed that particular session for a doctor's appointment she couldn’t change). There are no words that could accurately describe my feelings for everything Angela had done for me thus far. I don’t know what I would have done if I had to go through this chaos on my own. I truly was grateful for having Angela in my life.

However, if any of the Cullen family ever came back to Forks while Angela was still in town, well…let’s just say they are lucky they are vampires because Angela was itching to show them a piece of her mind for leaving me the way they did. Honestly, I have never seen Angela so furious as when I spoke about all the details of the break up in the woods and how _his_ family left me without a single goodbye. I felt extremely honored at how much she cared for me, even being willing to go up against a family of vampires (unknowingly, of course) to tell them off for all the chaos they had caused me.  If that wasn’t true friendship, I don’t know what is.

The final piece of the puzzle to complete this Hell I’m living in involved a human-drinking vampire I met last March. His name was Laurent and I saw him when I spent time with the Cullens at the baseball clearing.

When we met, he was in a coven with James and Victoria. When the whole ‘let’s chase after the human and eat her because she smells so good’ game was finally over, I found myself wondering whatever happened to Laurent. I knew he didn’t want to be a part of James and Victoria’s pastime and was interested in trying the animal diet, but I became curious to know if he ever accomplished his goal with the Vegetarian lifestyle.

Apparently, I must have made an unwitting wish or something because guess who I ran into when I was in the back yard at my house on a slightly cold, early August day? That’s right, Laurent.

* * *

**Flashback**

_Once I saw him, I received my answer on the status of his new feeding style. Instead of the gold irises I assumed he would have now, I noticed the bright crimson. That could only mean he had failed at being a Veggie Vampire and had just recently hunted – human style._

_There was more to this unexpected encounter than I first comprehended. I soon discovered Laurent’s true intentions about this unexpected reunion as he slowly approached me like a predator about to capture its prey, a creepy expression clearly plastered on his flawless pale face. My heart pounded so loudly in my chest that it actually hurt. I tried my best to calm down, hoping that slowing down my heart wouldn’t tempt him so much as it was right now. I backed up, trying to put more space between us. I knew it was a lost cause, he was a vampire and I was a mere human. If he really wanted to, he could have reached me right then and there wouldn’t be anything or anyone to stop him._

_“I couldn’t forget how wonderful you smelled the last time we met,” he had disclosed as he came closer and closer, a tall cottonwood tree stopping me from getting far away from this hungry vampire. “I tried to fight the urge that threatened to overcome me, but my craving for your blood was no match for my willpower."_

_“And here I am. About to have the most wonderful meal of my existence and your little vampire family is nowhere around to protect you this time,” he pronounced with a hungry look, licking his cold lips as he continued to slowly approach me._

**_You need to lie, Bella,_** a tenor voice that sounded so much like Carlisle whispered in my head. I flinched slightly, startled at hearing Carlisle’s musical voice in my head. Curious, I wondered why I was hearing his voice and not the voice of my ex-boyfriend. Sure, he may not love me anymore, but I figured he would at least care enough to keep me safe. And instructing me on what to do to get out of this horrible situation would certainly be placed in that category. So why was it Carlisle’s voice I was hearing instead?

_“You’re wrong, Laurent,” I said softly, knowing that he would still hear me. Laurent stopped in his tracks and cocked his head to the side, waiting for me to continue speaking. “The Cullens are still around the area. Once they catch your scent near me, they will become curious and start to investigate. And if they find out that you have harmed me, they won’t stop until you’re destroyed,” I stated with as much confidence as I could, that I didn’t feel inside._

_“Oh,” he murmured, his dark red eyes still boring into mine. “If they were still in the area as you said, dear Bella, why did I find the Cullen place empty?”_

**_Shoot,_** I thought, biting my lip in nervousness, **_he has me there._**

 ** _Come up with a better lie than that, Bella,_** Carlisle’s voice urged, his anxious tone clearly heard in my head.

_My mind raced, trying to come up with a better explanation for their absence. “Umm,” I began, finally coming up with a semi-good cover story to tell. Hopefully he will buy it and leave me alone. “Yeah, they don’t live here, but they are in the next town over.”_

_“Hmm,” he said, thoughtful. “Do they visit often?” he asked as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The act was so human that I was fairly surprised. I didn’t think I would ever see a nomad try to act like a human. I thought only the Cullens and the coven in Alaska acted like that._

_“Now and then.” I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. “The time seems longer to me, I imagine.”_

_“Hmm,” he said again. “The house smelled like it has been vacant for a while now…”_

_My heart dropped into my stomach at his words. Once again he caught me in a lie. Not that I was an expert in deceit, far from it, actually. I’d hoped I would’ve been better when my life was on the line. I knew without a doubt that I was done for. No more lies or stories would stop him from eating me. My life was officially over now._

_“Enough of these games, Isabella,” he demanded in a sharp voice. “I’m quite thirsty, and you do smell…simply mouthwatering.” Laurent looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment._

_He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. “Mouthwatering,” he repeated, inhaling deeply._

_Then he lunged at me. I knew there wasn’t anything I could do. I didn’t have enough time and he was faster than me. All I could do was stand frozen up against the tree, staring at him in horror, and watch as my life flashed before me as he came closer and closer to me._

_When he was only a yard or two away from reaching me, something unexpected happened. Something I’m positively sure had never happened to me before._

_Laurent was halted in his attack by something. I didn’t know what it was because it was invisible, but I could sure hear the pounding sound as Laurent tried to break it in order to get to me. I flinched violently every time I hear the thunder-like sound when his cold marble fists slammed against the barrier._

**_Did I do that?_** I wondered _,_ surprised and confused at this new turn of events _. **And if I did, how?**_

_It seemed Laurent had finally given up on the beating, but not on the meal he was moments away from consuming if the starving look in his red eyes said anything. Instead, he started searching for a gap; a weakness in whatever this thing was which was shielding me from the wild blood-thirsty vampire._

_Strangely, luck or whatever this mechanism was continued to keep me safe as Laurent’s facial expression turned from bloodlust to frustration as the minutes went by. He made a full circle around me and the tree, which was still pressed tightly against my back, tapping on the thing often to see if he could get through and finding the results unsuccessful._

_The most bizarre part of the situation, other than whatever this thing was that was keeping me from being sucked dry, was seeing Laurent’s hand hammering against something unseen by either of our eyes. If the circumstances were different and I didn’t have a crazy vampire on my hands, I would say Laurent was just pretending to get me, if not for the loud banging noise made by his marble hands as they came in contact with the invisible shield._

_Realizing he wasn’t going to give up anytime soon and my legs were getting tired from standing so long, I began to come up with a plan to get me out of this situation. A part of me wanted to come closer to the invisible protection, to feel the texture of it against my palms. But the other part was afraid the thing would collapse, either by my distance or touch. I would be defenseless then since I didn’t know if I had been the cause of the protection nor did I know how to erect it._

_Thinking back to that moment where I comprehended the danger I was in; I tried to think of any element that resulted in the invisible shield activating. I recalled being anxious and nervous, but that was all I could remember. My human memories were hazy since I had been busy with the idea of running away._

**_You don’t remember wishing for something, anything to prevent you from being a happy meal?_ ** _A little voice in my head inquired._

_I shook my head, either to clear it or answer the voice. Maybe it was both. Suddenly, I jumped a few feet off the ground at a loud, unforeseen noise. My eyes moved quickly around my surroundings, seeking what triggered the sound. It didn’t take me long in my search to see that Laurent had been the person who initiated the noise._

_Spotting him on the ground lying on his back about fifty yards away, I knew something had just happened while I zoned out. I pieced all the evidence together: a sound like boulders crashing together, Laurent several yards away on the ground, and the astonishment on his countenance. I could only assume Laurent had tried to barrel at the protection again. However, instead of the shield stopping him in his tracks, it apparently launched him in the air and pushed him fifty yards back._

_Deciding this cat and mouse game was swiftly becoming tiresome, I resumed on working out what created the shield and searching for a solution to get me out of this dire situation. Recalling the tiny voice from earlier and what it told me, I instantly tried to remember if I had wished for something to protect me from Laurent’s attack. I came up with nothing. I assumed once again I must have requested subconsciously since I couldn’t recall asking for anything._

_As this new information processed in my head, a light bulb flickered on above my head. **Maybe, just maybe I could use this…power to get me out of here,** I contemplated **, But what about Laurent? I can’t let him continue being free. Not with him switching back to his old diet and this assault on me.**_

_Coming to a decision, I took several deep breaths to compose myself and to build confidence, not allowing the hesitation to show on the outside like I felt internally. Repeating to myself over and over again that I could do this, my eyes located Laurent again. It seems Laurent had relented on trying to get through, but not on the whole meal as he was standing a few feet away, staring me down as he did this._

_“You may have avoided me eating you, but you can’t escape me,” Laurent taunted, his eyes not once moving away from me. “One way or another, you will have to leave this area, and when you do, I will be here waiting in the shadows for you. I have all the time in the world to wait.” He punctuated his statement by licking his lips, and stood frozen in his spot._

_Laurent, unknowingly, just boosted my determination. As I cleared my mind in readiness for my upcoming actions, I sent a silent prayer towards the sky that everything would go as planned._

_Taking one last glance at Laurent, who had a sinister smirk on his face, I steeled my resolve and closed my eyes. **I wish Laurent couldn’t hurt anyone anymore like he tried to with me. I wish he was destroyed,** I demanded silently. A yell pierced the late summer air and my eyes shot open to see what had happened. _

_There, before my eyes, I watched Laurent torn to pieces and dropped to the ground roughly. Then out of nowhere, a grassy area a feet or two away lit on fire, rapidly coming to a full burn in seconds, but never advancing from the area it began at. A gasp fell from my stunned lips at the event which was unfolding before my very eyes. A sharp intake of breath came next as I observed in amazement as pieces of Laurent floated in midair – nothing holding him up – and were carried to the fire, all the while shouting in hopes of escaping from his fiery fate._

_All of his body parts were thrown into the fire, burning to ashes in seconds as purple smoke that had a sweet scent to it rose in the air. When Laurent was totally terminated, the fire extinguished – leaving only the smoke, the smell of burning, and signs that there were a fire as the only evidence of the past event._

_I gazed at the sight with disbelief, still not understanding what exactly had happened in the last several minutes. Just that something had happened that shouldn’t have._

_Once I recovered from my shock, I slumped heavily against the tree. I was too tired to move, even as far as to sit on the ground. I figured my unexpected power must have drained me of my energy because I didn’t have any left to sit down. I just stood there against the tree, trying to regain enough energy to take me back home with. Two hours later, I began the long journey home._

_After surviving such a terrifying experience, I decided to mark the day as an anniversary of when I learned I had an extraordinary power. A gift I shouldn’t have as a human. Only vampires were supposed to have extraordinary powers. After that day, I did little experiments with my gift to see what I could do and what I couldn’t. However, the progress was going at a snail's pace since I had no clue on the limitations of this new ability. Plus, I got tired out easily. Using my power drained a lot of my energy, even if I just used it for a short period._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

Slowly rising from my bed, I grabbed the cordless phone from the nearest nightstand and stepped down off the two inch platform that was beneath the bed. Then I headed downstairs, my measured steps belying my exhaustion from staying awake all night. Of course, it didn’t matter if I slept or not, because I would always wake up screaming due to the nightmares. Actually, I hadn’t had a decent night's sleep since the last night _he_ stayed with me which was over four months ago.

Entering the kitchen, I made my way to the fridge intending to get a drink of orange juice. When I opened the refrigerator door, I immediately regretted my decision. Sitting innocently on the top shelf was a six pack of beer, the same beer Charlie drank while watching sports on the television set.

My chest tightened as tears prickled the back of my eyes. My brown eyes were bloodshot and red from all the weeping I had done last night, and even from the past four months. Of course, the bloodshot eyes could also come from not having enough sleep over the last few months. Warm tears burned my eyes as they flowed out of me and my throat closed up. I swallowed hard and quickly shut the refrigerator door.

Suddenly, nausea welled up in me and I rushed to the closest thing: the kitchen sink. I bent over the sink and threw up what little I had in my stomach. It didn’t take very long for me to empty the contents inside of me, but it was quite a while before the dry heaving and painful spasms stopped altogether. Weakly, I wiped my lips on one of my sleeves and rinsed out my mouth with water. Then I shakily took a step back, putting distance between the sink and me.

I stumbled towards the nearest window and stood in front of it, observing the scenery for a minute. Without considering the consequence of the action, I pulled back my right arm and punched my hand through the window in a fit of rage and grief.

Then I screamed. I screamed out every feeling I had from the past four months. I screamed because my boyfriend left me. I screamed because I lost my vampire family. I screamed because I lost my father. Basically, I had a mental breakdown, only this time it wasn’t from cutting or the lack thereof. This time it was the result of sorrow and pain.

I then found myself on the kitchen floor. Lying sideways on the cold ground, one arm holding my midsection tightly, like it was going to separate, and the other was lying limply on the white tile, blood and glass poking out from my hand. I didn’t know how long I lay there nor do I really care, but it must have been quite some time because when I sat up, the sun that rarely visits Forks was higher in the sky than when I first saw it at dawn.

I rose shakily from my spot on the floor and wearily began my journey to the bathroom to clean and fix my hand. Just as my left foot came in contact with the first step, there was a knock at the door. I let out an exasperated sigh and twisted around, staggering unsteady toward the front door.

When I opened the door, fully expecting someone from the town come to give me their condolences, I could have never imagined the person who stood on my porch instead.


	2. Coming Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so, so sorry for taking a little over a year to get this next chapter out. I can give you an excuse that I seemed to be using often whenever I post a new chapter on this site, (My life is crazy right now; I don't have time to write) which is partly true. The other part is because I keep getting sucked into others fandoms (I'm addicted to Sorcerer's Apprentice now) and I'm busy with my other stories, which my other readers are demanding I give them another chapter. So, yeah. Here's some friendly advice from me: Don't start multiple stories unless you're certain you can handle it as well as have lots of free time on your hands.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely reviews. They totally made my day. Here's an early Christmas (or whatever holiday you and your family are celebrating) present for you. Enjoy!
> 
> Warning: I don't think I have anything that I need to warned you about in this chapter. Just remember that this story is related M for a reason, which will happen later on down the road. Furthermore, I don't intend to go graphic on the cutting scenes, but I will be mentioning them quite a bit in the story. I'm saying this now, so there won't be any surprises later on. Also, there will be cusswords, but again, I won't put as many in the chapters. And I will refrained from saying the ones with the Lord's name and the F-word as well. I believe those two words take away from the quality of the story and I won't have that here.
> 
> Note: The timeline in the story is different from the one that Stephenie Meyer uses in the series. I will post the timeline I'm using in the bottom author's note. This chapter hadn't been completely edited yet by my beta. However, I would like to thank Kathy for pre-reading the chapter, while I'm still waiting.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series or the characters in it. Stephenie Myers will only allow me to play with them, unfortunately.

**Chapter Two**

**Coming Back**

**(Carlisle’s Point of View)**

**Friday, September 2, 2005**

The bright, golden sun had just begun peeking from the East horizon when I entered the city limits of Seattle. The clock in my Mercedes revealed it was half past six when I quickly checked the time. As I pulled up to a red stoplight, I could see the early morning hour wasn’t preventing folks from leaving their houses. Young, old, short, tall, skinny, and heavyset; all different races of individual people were on the move, their feet taking them down sidewalks and crosswalks to wherever their destination might be. Since it was the last day before the weekend, almost everyone had something in their hands, often the item was a to-go cup of coffee, a briefcase, or a newspaper.

When the light turned to green, I continued on with my driving, taking the road straight ahead. I had been on the road all night, coming from Hanover, New Hampshire to Forks, Washington. My intentions for traveling to Forks were to see how Bella was handling our absence these past few months and to move back. I made a mistake…no…my family and I made a mistake of leaving Bella, and even though it might be too late, I decided to come back to Forks and check on her. To help her cope from the damage our mistakes had caused her if she was still broken like we all felt inside. Since Alice was forbidden to spy on Bella through her visions, and she wouldn’t break her promise to Edward no matter how much she disapproved of his decision, I was heading into the situation of how Bella would receive my return blinded.

 ** _Could it be true?_** I wondered in astonishment, remembering a conversation I had a few days ago with Alice and Jasper. **_Could she really be that important to me?_**

Recently, I had been given some startling news while I was still living at our house in Hanover, and since I’m a vampire and have perfect recall, I remember every little detail of the event that had only taken place a few days prior.

* * *

**Flashback**

I arrived home late one evening, just coming off a double shift from Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hospital and still wearing the dark blue scrubs from the surgery I’d preformed a few hours ago. For about three months now, I had been working double shifts four times a week just so I could avoid my family and the dark clouds hanging over our house. I knew using my job as an excuse to run away from our problems was cowardly, but Esme and I were at the end of our ropes. We had tried everything we could possibly think of to get the family back to our normal ways of life and nothing seemed to work. I couldn’t handle seeing my family so torn up inside over a little, human girl. So I left in favor of my other sanctuary.

_I had just placed my black doctor bag on the entry table and was in the process of taking off my white coat and blue scarf when Alice and Jasper appeared in the room. Now my children or wife greeting and welcoming me home is not unusual or surprising. Even with how we all have been acting lately, I still had someone coming to greet me when I came home after a long, hard day of work._

_No, what was surprising was the genuine smile plastered on Alice’s pixie-like face and her constant bouncing up and down, wearing a new outfit that matched the one her husband had on. Alice wore a white blouse with a blue-gray vest over it and a white, short skirt. A simple silver chain with the Cullen crest on the pendant dangled from her pale neck while one bright turquoise and one white bracelet was encircling around her right wrist. Jasper’s attire was all white; a white dress shirt with two pockets on the upper top with little flaps and buttons to close it and white slacks to go with the rest of the outfit. While Alice’s behavior was typical in the past, I haven’t seen it since our departure from Forks and Bella._ _Until now, it seems._

_Alice had not gone shopping once since we had arrived, nor had she bugged us about what we were wearing. The happy, bubbly girl she had always been had vanished and in her place was a subdued, unhappy person. I could hardly recognize her; she was turning into a stranger a little more every day. Until now, it seems._

_I switched my focus to Jasper, hoping he could shed some light on why Alice was so happy when everyone else (excluding Edward) was so depressed. I was even more shocked at the small smile on his pale lips. Not only that, but he was radiating calm and content._

_Since the attack on Bella in May, Jasper had been hit the hardest with the moving and loss of Bella. We almost never saw him in the house, and when we did see him, it would only be for five minutes before he disappeared again. Lately, he had been working on improving his control by hunting endlessly. I could see the small progress he was slowly making. The other reason for his absence was all the misery the whole family was experiencing. Jasper tried to use his gift on us, but like everything else, did little good. He could not handle the intense emotions on top of feeling guilty for being the cause of us uprooting so early and leaving Bella. Esme and I tried our best to hide how we were feeling, trying to not only be strong for our kids but also give Jasper a reprieve from our gloomy moods. It did little good, however, and Jasper still continued to hunt, even more so than normal._

_“Alice, Jasper,” I greeted politely, my soft English accent appearing with the acknowledgement. I finished my task of taking off my coat and scarf and hanging them up in the closet by the front door. Turning around, I noticed they were still here and still acting quite oddly. So I questioned them with a frown on my face, “What’s going on?”_

_Instead of answering my question, Alice cheerfully skipped over to my side and grasped my left hand, lightly pulling me up the stairs. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Jasper was closely following us from behind, the genuine smile never once leaving his southern features. He must have noticed the quizzical look in my eyes because he simply replied in his Texan accent, “Wait till we get to your office. Then we will tell you everythin’.” And that was the end of the conversation until we entered my study several seconds later._

_Immediately, I understood why Jasper and Alice wanted to wait till we arrived at my office. Out of all the rooms in our houses around the world, my study had always been soundproofed to keep phone calls for work and past personal discussions private. And apparently, this chat was going to be like the rest that were held inside the four walls._

_When we were all in the room, the door sealed shut and all of us comfortably seated around my mahogany desk, I waited patiently for Alice and Jasper to speak their minds. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious on what they wanted to discuss with me and hoped nothing was wrong with the family. We didn’t need something horrible happening to our family on top of losing Bella. Momentarily, I thought the conversation could be about Bella, but I rapidly cast that idea away. Alice wouldn’t budge on her promise she had made to Edward, vowing not to look for Bella in her visions._

_“Carlisle,” Alice began slowly, her hand encased in Jasper’s on her bare left knee, “I know I promised_ Edward _I wouldn’t spy on Bella through my visions, and for the most part, I have kept my word.” She had spat Edward’s name like a foul taste of blood in her mouth._

_“But…”I encouraged her to continue with a gesture of my hand._

_Alice took a deep breath. “But a few slipped through and they all involved Bella.”_

_“Is she okay? Is she in danger?” I inquired from her, my English tenor more pronounced with the concern and worry I felt for the youngest member of my family. Even though she wasn’t dating my firstborn son anymore, I still considered her a member. She would always be part of this family, no matter if she was human or vampire, carrying my last name or not. Nothing would change that. I also felt love and… strangely enough…protective for the girl I’d only knew for four months._

_Alice’s joyful spirit instantly faded away and in her place was the passive girl I had known for the last few months. Alice sadly shook her head in a negative motion. For some odd reason, I felt my cold, dead heart plummet in my chest and my breath caught in my throat. Something bad had or will happen to Bella to result in Alice acting this forlorn. Not even leaving Bella in Forks could equally compare to this new level of misery._

_“I’m only Seeing bits and pieces right now, but even with those limited ones, I can tell something bad has happened that is affecting Bella greatly. When I tried to find what was causing Bella to look so sorrowful, I couldn’t see anything! There has to be something to result in this adverse mood of hers!”_

_I pondered this new revelation for some time before speaking sincerely, hoping I was correct in my assumption. “Perhaps it could be us.” I noticed Alice and Jasper’s puzzled expressions so I swiftly added, “We, as a family, did leave Bella behind, after all. The reason you, Alice, possibly can’t locate any visions on why Bella is so discontented is because they reflected back to us.”_

_“Maybe,” Alice considered hesitantly, her quiet melodic voice a rarity from the usual high-pitched. “But I get the feeling that something more terrible than just us leaving Bella has taken place. I have never seen anyone in my entire life, as a human or vampire, this bad. Bella is barely functioning and could possibly resemble us with how dead she looks.” Fear welled up inside me at Alice’s final statement. Was it really that bad? Did Bella really care for us that much for her to discontinue taking care of herself? To the point she could appear as a vampire?_

**Oh, Lord!** I mentally cried out in distress. **_What have we done to this beautiful, jovial human girl?_**

_“There’s more,” Jasper supplied with a rough, southern accent, obviously sensing my panic for Bella’s health and the amount of damage we had caused._

_I signaled for them to resume. Jasper stared at Alice and I recognized they were having a silent conversation only they were privilege to know._

_Jasper and Alice ended their unspoken chat and turned to me. Alice opened her mouth then paused for a moment before I spotted a glimpse of determination in her golden eyes. “I may not know what is causing Bella to be so woeful, but I was able to See what Bella’s future would be like if one of us doesn’t come back to Forks soon. Carlisle, if we continue down the path we’re going, Bella will die,” Alice choked out the last three words, a quiet sob bubbling up after the words were uttered._

_My eyes widened in horror and my heart clenched in pain at hearing this new information I had been giving. “You’re certain of this?” I couldn't prevent myself from asking. I regretted the question as soon as it tumbled out of my mouth._

**_Of course, she is guaranteed of the vision, Carlisle,_ ** I silently scolded myself. **_She wouldn’t had said anything if she wasn’t sure._**

_Alice nodded her head with a somber countenance, “I am. My visions are subjective, but this one was crystal clear and all together. No bits and pieces.”_

_“Carlisle,” Jasper called in a grave tone, his Texan accent easily heard with his emotions. “Alice also saw a way to fix this family but like everythin’ else, the situation has to get worse before it can get better.”_

_“Pardon?” My soft English tenor wrapping warmly around the word as I tried to make sense of everything that was happening in the last few minutes. I swear I almost felt my heart beat there for a second. And why did I feel like I needed to be somewhere else, a place that was far away from here?_

_“What I mean is before we can come back together as a family, we will have to bear more suffering among us.”_

_“However, I Saw a solution that could restore our family the way it mostly was in the past. But like Jasper mentioned, it will result in more harm before anything good will come out of it,” Alice's musical voice butted in the conversation._

_The chat with Jasper and Alice had only taken place for barely five minutes now and already I’m feeling old and weary with everything I’m learning. I ran one of my hands through my blond hair and let out a tired sigh. “And what might this solution be?”_

_Alice and Jasper exchanged a look in lieu of answering. From my perspective, it seemed to me like Jasper and Alice were fighting over who should reply to the question. Both did not want to tell me something for some unknown reason. “Let’s have it, guys, out with it. What are you keeping from me?”_

_Jasper must have lost because he was the one who spoke up, “We are not tryin’ to hide anythin’ from you. Alice and I just don’t know how to inform you. The news will devastate you and the rest of the family.”_

_“I see,” I murmured, becoming more uneasy by the minute. “Whether it involves the family directly or indirectly I want to know. Even if it could potently destroy this family, I want to know as Head of this family.”_

_“Esme isn’t your mate,” they both finally blurted out together._

_I inhaled sharply at the startling revelation. “Pardon?”_

_“It’s true, Carlisle. Alice had a vision of your true mate as well as Esme’s. You both have been distant from each other since we got here, and I’m not feelin’ any passion that is normal between two mates. I think you and Esme are settlin’ right now. Givin’ each other comfort and a companion, but nothing more,” Jasper declared, showing me what he was speaking about by projecting my feelings for Esme in my direction._

_To say I was stunned that Esme wasn’t my mate would be an understatement. When Esme first woke up from her transformation as a vampire, I thought I had finally found_ ‘the one.’ _I thought after working so hard over the years to make up for what I unwillingly turned into, finally a reward was coming my way in the form of my true mate. I guess I was wrong to think Esme was my soul mate._

_“Who’s my true mate than if it’s not Esme?” I wondered, my soft English accent coloring the words._

_Again, Alice and Jasper shared a look, but this time it was Alice who simply replied, “Bella.”_

_I gasped loudly at the news. Once again, I felt my non-beating heart tightening, but this time it increased to the level of a dull ache. Part of me somehow felt lighter, happier even. The other part of me was pleading with me, urging me to head to Forks at this very moment so I could be with Bella. Every cell in my body was calling for Bella, eager to reach her. What was happening to me?_

_“Pardon me? Bella? As in Bella Marie Swan?_ Our _Bella?” The dull ache amplified to a slight discomfort. I ignored it in favor of hearing what my children had to say in regard to my question._

_Jasper gave a curt nod of his head. “Yes. Alice had a vision of you and Bella together and I don’t mean in a father/daughter-kind of together, but as a friend or even a lover-kind of together,” Jasper described for me. I merely raised one of my eyebrows in question but kept silent, allowing myself time to let everything I heard so far sink in._

_“How? How did I not know Bella was my mate? And what about Esme? The family?” I trailed off, perplexed at the complicated situation I unknowingly found myself in._

_“Perhaps you and Bella weren’t ready for each other. No…think about it, Carlisle,” Jasper commanded in his southern voice. “You and Bella were in a relationship with Esme and Edward. It wasn’t until Edward left Bella and you distancin’ yourself from Esme before your heart could reveal to you that Bella was your true mate. If the situation had gone differently with you lovin’ Esme as passionately as you had in the past and Bella was still with Edward, I’m certain both of you wouldn’t have listen to what your hearts was tryin’ to convey.”_

_Jasper folded his hands together as he resumed with his thought. “Let me ask you this, Carlisle. To prove to you that Bella is really your mate since I can distinguish from your feelin’s that you’re uncertain of what I’m speakin’ is true. Do you feel pain in your chest right now? Do you have a strong urge to run back to Forks to be with Bella? To care for her and protect her?”_

_“Yes, on all counts. The pain as you called it is increasing by the second,” I confessed, honestly. “What’s going on? Why do I feel this way?”_

_I felt so confused, more so than I had ever been since I came into this new life. Apparently, Jasper had the answers, thankfully._

_“That’s your heart callin’ out to your mate. You will need to leave soon; the pain will only get worse the longer you’re away from each other.”_

_“As for Esme,” Alice took over for Jasper, suffering from an unusual case of nervousness as she played with her smooth, slender hands. “Well, umm…she actually already knows. I…umm…made the mistake of…umm…disclosing what I saw in my vision after I came out. Obviously, she was heartbroken at the news, but understood completely. She’s willing to give you up if it means you will be happy with Bella. As for Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward, they may take the news hard – well, maybe not Edward – but everyone else will get over it. It will just take some time.”_

_I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, hoping the action would help me sort through my thoughts and decide on my next move. I opened my eyes and focused back on my children. “Well, it’s seems like I’m heading to Forks then,” I muttered calmly, standing up from my expensive, black leather Spanish chair. Without even realizing it, I raced in the direction of my room that I once shared with Esme, planning on packing my suitcase immediately._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

I arrived in Forks a little after eight in the morning. As soon as I spotted the familiar “ _Welcome to Forks_ ” sign, the pain I had been feeling all night in my chest became less prominent as the miles between Bella and I decreased.

Since it was still a weekday and already after eight, I knew with disappointment surging through my cold, marble body that I wouldn’t get to see Bella until school was over for the day. While I was a little upset, I considered it a blessing in disguise because it gave me plenty of time to clean up, feed, and get the old house back in order.

Once I completed a turn that would take me in the direction of my house, I recalled what happened after my enlightened conversation with Alice and Jasper.

* * *

**Flashback**

_After I received the news about Bella dying in the future and her being my true mate, I immediately changed out of my scrubs for a black dress shirt and slacks before I began packing my bags. Unfortunately, since I hadn't hunted in such a long time, longer than I have ever went without drinking in my three hundred and forty-two years as a vampire, I obviously wasn’t thinking straight. If I had, I would have realized quickly that I couldn’t leave until I took care of my responsibilities here in Hanover._

_Luckily or unluckily, whatever your point of view was, Alice and Jasper halted me in the middle of packing and pointed out that I needed to put in my notice of resignation at work. I needed to get the paperwork filled out for the divorce now that I knew Bella was my mate. And lastly, I needed to inform the rest of the family everything Jasper and Alice had told me. Alice and Jasper volunteered to handle the last part for me, which I was eternally grateful for._

_I loved all the members of my family equally and never wanted to see them hurt (both physically and emotionally), which was why I didn’t want to take the job of informing Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward of the new family dynamic. I knew Emmett would easily go along with the changes, and Edward probably wouldn’t care since he was miles away from us, but Rosalie would definitely care. Rosalie was my kitten, my baby girl; we had a special bond together. I had gotten to know her fairly well over the last seventy-two years and I knew she meant well. She had a big heart that she hid from humans, only showing them her icy exterior in her long-time effort to protect her family and our secret._

_So while my eldest daughter never really hated Bella, she just didn’t approve of Bella entering into our lives and becoming a vampire. She voted “yes” to leave Forks and Bella and was happy when we did. But Rosalie wasn’t now, hasn’t been since realizing Edward’s true intentions after we arrived in Hanover. She regretted saying “yes” in our voting and hurting Bella like we did, but she wanted Bella to have a nice, long, human life that was free of vampires. I knew she would be greatly upset about my departure from the family, temporary of course, but she would also be devastated once she heard of Esme's and my separation and subsequent divorce. I just prayed that she would be able to get through all of these big changes over time and accept all of the new relationships in our family._

_As for Esme, my soon-to-be ex-wife, I found out she had already left the house once she was told by Alice and was taking a mini-vacation not too far away from here to contemplate everything that had happened in the last four months. But Alice and Jasper did confirm for me when I asked about her, wondering if she really was happy for me. She was saddened that eighty-two years of marriage was over, but truly happy for me. She would never have wished for me to be alone or in an unhappy relationship if I had a soul mate out there, unknowingly waiting for me to come for her._

_Edward happened to be in Alaska and in a relationship with Tanya, which I’m thankful for. I didn’t want him to think I waited for him to step down and take his place with Bella._

_So with a heavy heart, I stayed at the house in Hanover for the next three days, getting everything taken care of before my departure. I even managed to feed a little bit. It wasn’t enough to get me full, however, since the thought of being with Bella in a day or so was distracting me. But I’m glad I did because Alice and Jasper took the opportunity of explaining to Rosalie and Emmett the news of my leaving. I didn’t inquire on how the discussion went since I knew my first daughter and second son very well. Nor did my newest members disclose what Emmett or Rosalie said once they heard the news. Perhaps I was better off not knowing._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

 I drove down the long curved driveway towards my house, stopping in front of the garage. I rested my dark gray shirt-sleeved clad arms on the top of the steering wheel, staring out the front window in the direction of my home. From the outside, the white Victorian house appeared vacant and uninviting without the constant activity of the family. I knew inside was going to be the same, only much worst with the white sheets on all of the furniture and the deafening silence.

With a long weary sigh, I exited my black Mercedes at a human pace and trudged to the trunk. I retrieved my suitcases and headed to the front door, unlocking it and entering before closing the door behind me. Dropping my bags in the entry hall, I strolled to the living room. When I entered the room, I froze in surprise. I wasn’t expecting the space to smell like Bella after all these months.

 ** _When was she last here?_** I wondered. ** _Her floral scent should have been gone by now if she hadn’t come since Prom._**

I shrugged my shoulders at the thought, knowing full well that I wouldn’t receive any answers by just standing there. So I decided to go take a shower and get fresh clothes on so I could get the rest of the items on my mental list accomplished before paying a visit to Bella. Just as I turned to head for the stairs, something caught the corner of my eye. I twisted around and went to the middle of the room. There on the wooden floor was a long, thin line of dry blood, Bella’s blood. I frowned, baffled at the sight of the blood.

**_Did this blood come from four months ago and we somehow missed it or was she injured recently?_ **

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel and a bottle of bleach from under the sink before I went to clean the blood up. When the floor was blood free and I couldn’t smell the floral scent of it any longer, I threw the towel in the trashcan and placed the bleach back in its original place. Then I headed upstairs to take a long, hot shower.

Once I was clean and refreshed and had new clothes on, I began getting the place back in shape so someone could actually live here again. If I was being completely honest with myself, I wasn’t planning on staying here very much, preferring to be as close to Bella as often as she would allow me. However, I still needed to get the white sheets off and the curtains open in case she ever wanted to come over so she could get away from Charlie.

Using vampire speed, I rushed around the house, pulling dust sheets off of the furniture and opening curtains to permit the nature light to shine in. When the house was at the right standard of habitat, I ambled into the woods to hunt. I needed more nutrients since I didn’t get enough back in Hanover. Plus, I planned on spending most of my time with Bella, so I didn’t know when I would have the chance to hunt again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoy the second chapter. Please tell me if you like it or not, or what I can do to improve my writing. I welcome freely constructive criticism, but don't be mean about it.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Who could it be standing on Bella's porch? I'm pretty sure you all know who it might be, but please tell me your guesses anyway. I hope you enjoy the first chapter. Please tell me if you like it or not, or what I can do to improve my writing. I welcome freely constructive criticism, but don't be mean about it. 
> 
> Basic Timeline:
> 
> Bella moved to Forks on Monday, December 27, 2004
> 
> James, Victoria, and Laurent meet the Cullen on Sunday, March 13, 2005
> 
> Edward takes Bella to prom on May 13, 2005
> 
> Cullen's family leave on Thursday, June 2, 2005
> 
> Angela's confronts Bella about her cutting problem on Tuesday, July 12, 2005
> 
> Bella's therapy session started on July 18, 2005
> 
> Bella runs into Laurent for the second time on Thursday, August, 4, 2005
> 
> Charlie died on September 1, 2005


End file.
